Maybe I should start at the beginning. Before my mother was even imagined, my great grandmother died of Breast Cancer in the early 1930s. She had 2 young boys who would grow up and start their own adventures. Now let's fast forward to 1987, just a few short months before I was born, my (on all accounts) amazing, vivacious, spirited, strong aunt lost her battle with Breast Cancer at the age of 32. She left behind an orphaned daughter who's life was just beginning to know the pain of loss (we'll be coming back to that blue eyed little girl). I never had the pleasure to meet my Aunt Dean in person but I have always felt as if we have a strong connection that spans across this life and the next.
My mother had several lumpectomy's through the years and I remember the scares and the toll it took on us all mentally every time she found a lump in her breast. To say that my family has since the death of Aunt Dean felt strongly about Breast Cancer Awareness is an understatement. But it really, truly hit us hard when Brandi (remember that beautiful blue eyed girl), my cousin, was diagnosed with Breast Cancer at the age of 26. I was only a freshman in high school but I remember the feeling of having the wind knocked out of your chest and asking "Why us God? Why again?"
I remember the trips to Maryland after Brandi came home from having a double mastectomy, the tears in her eyes from the pain, the Christmas she came home and shaved off the remainder of her hair, the depression she went through, and the struggle we all felt as she battled this horrible disease. Brandi is a fighter and she just celebrated her 10th Cancerversary.
That wasn't the end for us though. After Brandi's diagnosis, the family and her doctor's talked her into seeing a Genetic Counselor to see if there was a genetic link between her cancer and her mothers. Well, there was and it's called BRCA1. Being a carrier of this gene means you have an 85% chance of developing Breast Cancer and a 45% chance of developing ovarian cancer. In 2005, my mother made the decision to have a prophylactic mastectomy due to being BRCA1 positive. This was an extreme struggle for her and she had to fight her doctors to have the surgery. She was trying to prevent cancer and found out during her pre-surgery testing that she did in fact have a lump that was Stage 0 cancer. My mother did not have to undergo radiation treatments or chemo (due to a mistake made by her surgeon when he misread test results and told her she had a much lesser aggressive cancer than what she did actually have). I was a junior in high school at the time and I took several days off school to go to the hospital with my mom and help when she got home. I helped her changed bandages, emptied her drains, and cried with her. The reconstructive surgery was painful and long. They inserted "bags" into her chest cavity under the muscles and slowly filled them to help stretch the muscles and make room for implants. Due to them taking all breast tissue, they even had to tattoo nipples back on for her. I know the process was just as damaging to my mother mentally as it was physically. She was a large breasted woman and even with the largest size of implants she still wears prosthetics to convince herself that she is still a woman.
By the time I was packing up to go to college I had thought long and hard about getting the genetic testing done. Since my mother was positive, there was a 50% chance she passed the gene to each of us children. After I made my college choice, I choose the facility where I would be tested. After a few hours of counseling, they did a blood test that would be sent away to the lab in Utah. The results would come back in 3-4 weeks. I won't lie, that was one of the hardest times of my life. I had ups and downs, I went through periods of being convinced I had the gene to being absolutely certain I didn't. Finally, after 3 long weeks, my results were in. I'm negative for BRCA1. Instead of having an 85% chance of getting BC, I had the same chance as any other woman walking down the street.
I felt safe again...or at least I did until 2008. You see, my mother had 4 siblings. One of which was already lost to Breast Cancer. Due to the high occurrence of the gene in our family and to see where it originated (even though we were pretty sure), my grandfather was tested. He was in fact a carrier of the gene and had passed it down to at least 2 of his 5 children. In 2006, my Aunt Tracy had her genetic testing done. She kept the testing and the results quiet for a long time fearing that because she was negative, she would be looked at differently. That all changed when in 2008, Aunt Tracy was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.
Now all of the doctors we have ever been to will tell you that Aunt Tracy's BC was a freak accident. I, for one, don't believe a word of it. The little voice inside my head was back and with it came a vengeance. If Aunt Tracy was negative and still got BC, that means I still can too. I strongly urged my grandfather to go back to the genetic counselor and discuss having a full genetic work up. You see, while all of this was going on in my family, BRCA2 was discovered. Finally, at my insistence and the insistence of my genetic counselor, my grandfather went back for a full genetic screen. They told us that my grandfather is not a carrier of the BRCA2 gene.
Different members of the family have been tested and so far we don't have any more positives....however, both my brother and one of my cousins have found lumps in their breasts after testing negative for BRCA1. I'm 24. I have seen 2 Genetic Counselors (both at different hospitals) and 2 Breast Care Specialists. Every doctor I have seen urges me NOT to get a mammogram or ultrasound. They tell me that at my age, being exposed to the radiation from a mammogram once a year will put me at higher risk of getting BC. This of course does nothing to ease my mind. I feel as if there is this huge weight sitting on my chest (yes, that was a joke!). Every 6 months I return to my PCP for a full breast exam (cold hands and all) but I'm tired of feeling like I need to look over my shoulder for cancer constantly.
So you see, after having 5 woman in our family diagnosed with Breast Cancer, my family does just about everything they can to comfort those diagnosed and prevent anyone else from having to face this. My mother and a dear friend started a breast cancer awareness/support group a few years back called Central Pennsylvania Pink Connection. They are miracle workers for those affected with BC in our area. And I guess this leads me to my blog. I love nail polish, I always have and when my collection started to grow and I started to follow nail bloggers, I got the idea to start my own nail blog and have it feature Pink for the whole month of October. I hope you enjoy and I hope you understand the importance of doing self breast exams monthly.
Pink isn't just a color, it's an attitude....one of hope, one of strength, one of spirit
<3 Krystan
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